Mindful Sexuality

How To Stop Feeling Sexually Inadequate

October 9, 2020

< back to blog home

Feeling sexually inadequate is a common “disease”. We can catch it when we watch porn, look at magazine covers, read Forbes lists, or even when we enter the gym or sauna. Some of us have stronger immune systems to fight against it than others, but most of us express syndromes at some point.

Let's dive deeper into how to stop feeling sexually inadequate. We will look at the symptoms, identify the sources, and begin the healing process.

Before we begin, I want to be clear, you are sexy AF and you get to choose what does that mean to you.

 

Julia Lepiochina is a sexuality coach. How to stop feeling sexually inadequate.

Feeling you are not good enough sexually is a common “disease”. We can catch it when we watch porn, look at magazine covers, read Forbes lists, or even when we enter the gym or sauna. Some of us have stronger immune systems to fight against it than others, but most of us express syndromes at some point.

Symptoms of Feeling Sexually Inadequate

 

Have you ever said or felt the following statements?

I do not feel desired.

My sex life is not as good as it should be or as it was.

I do not have enough sex.

My parter is not satisfied by me.

There is no connection during sex. 

I feel like I do not know what else to do there.

Sex feels boring and repetitive.

I am not attractive.

I do not feel sexual.

Sex overwhelms me.

I am too tired to have sex.

My desire is too low.

It is uncomfortable to talk about sex.

You are not alone! Many people experience feeling not being sexually good enough, at some point in their lives. Whether that mean having doubts about own performance, body image, questioning own desires, feeling not diverse enough and so on. At some time we start fitting self, into someone else's definition of sexuality. 

Why is it important to stop feeling sexually inadequate?

If we truly believe that we are sexually inadequate, we are blocking all the possibilities of love and joy. How can I enjoy my sexual energy if I am already sure I am unworthy and inadequate? How can I let new experiences come in if I think I am not good enough to create them?

 

Lessons I have learned about feeling sexually inadequate.

My mentors taught me in my early twenties that feeling sexually inadequate is a choice. I get to choose whether I am enough. And that alone (plus 10 years of daily work) changed my life. I get to decide how I feel about my sexuality.

The popular guy on a motorcycle, magazine editors, and advertising gurus do not decide for me. I have that power. And this is a very empowering concept that society does not teach us. They offer us the opposite mindset. They teach us that outsiders determine our worth and outline how we should feel sexually.

Money and status define if I am good enough. Beauty contests define who is the most beautiful. Porn directors define what is sexy. Men choose beautiful women to marry in hetero relationships. Society raises us to believe that women must compete for attention. But how freeing is it to say, “F*** that! I get to decide if I am enough!”

The sexual market pushes sexual inadequacy strongly. For years, magazines have been telling readers how often to have sex. And if you are not doing that, then you might be sexually inadequate. If you do not want sex then something is wrong with you. If your sexual life doesn’t look a certain way, you are a failure. And if you are not athletic with long hair or don’t have a big dick, it dooms your sex life to suck. Because anything different from those ideologies is not good enough.

 

I invite you create your own definition of sexuality. Find your own authentic style and rhythm. Give yourself permission to do what you like and when you like it.

Choose to be sexually enough no matter what your culture says.  I invite you to explore the side of your sexuality deeply. 

Explore sexuality at your age, with your body, in your skin, with your experiences. Expand in your believes and definitions. 

Start to Identify Your Sources

So, how can you stop feeling sexually inadequate? Our sexual worthiness comes from different sources. Some sources are internal and others are external. You may be influenced right now as you read. Your generation might influence you. Even your family has an impact on the way you feel about yourself sexually. Some of those sources involve our direct experiences, some come from things we hear and see. Lack of sex education is also problematic. Some influences come from  religious or spiritual beliefs.

I created a free mini workbook for you to take a deeper look into the sources that might have caused you to feel sexually inadequate. What are the sources of your sexual worthiness and what evidence do you keep collecting about your sexuality? Download the workbook here and start cleaning that space, so you can feel sexually enough and build sexual confidence.

Sources That Make You Feel Sexually Inadequate

Pay close attention to external sources of your stream of beliefs: 

1. How have the media and social media impacted how I feel about myself sexually?

2. How have my ex-partners, lovers, and relationships impacted how I feel about myself sexually?

3. How have my peers and family influenced my ideas about sex and sexuality?

Things to look into when working on your sexual worth. How to stop feeling sexually inadequate.

Actions you can take daily to create sexual worthiness.

It is also important to take daily actions toward sexual growth.

1. Daily connection to our bodies.

2. Daily connection to our energy.

3. Acknowledging and boosting our sexual worth.

My free workbook will help you with each one of them. Download here.

Remember that your worth is your choice. Only you get to determine how worthy you are. Only you get to decide that. How to stop feeling sexually inadequate.

Only you get to determine how worthy you are.

1. Look into life experiences that made you feel sexually inadequate.

2. Start getting your power back by separating yourself from those experiences. Remember, they do not define you. Do the healing work with professionals, read books, and explore different ways to get that power back.

3. Continue by cleaning your head of sexually unworthy thoughts. Thoughts like: I am not beautiful enough. I cannot stay as hard as I used to. I have no energy for sex. No one wants me.

Define your sexuality. Start building conscious relationships with your body and energy. Tap into your power and connect with your true sexual source.

Define your sexuality. The keyword here is your sexuality. It does not belong to anyone. Your authentic rhythm and style are important.

Start building conscious relationships with your body and energy.

Tap into your power and connect with your true sexual source.

THIS IS NOT A LINEAR PROCESS AND THERE IS NO END TO IT.

We keep doing this work as we go through life. Peeling layers will expose the real thing that holds us back. We will do this until we no longer feel sexually inadequate.

Why do I need to feel sexually enough?

Only you can answer that. I know most of my clients want to feel sexually enough, because they are tired of feeling overwhelmed, incapable and judge themselves. They want to experience more juiciness and feel peace. They want to feel whole and complete. They want freedom. And if you are still reading this, what to do you want to experience?

Download the workbook now and get started.

Much Love and Joy,