Conscious Relationships

A Sexual Relationship Without Sex

December 23, 2021

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A Sexual Relationship Without Sex

A Sexual Relationship Without Sex

That's, what being in the sexual flow is. It has not much to do with other person, has nothing to do with sex act, and has all to do with your own sexual flow with your ability to rise and exprience your sexual vibrations.

For many of us, when we think about sexuality we think about physical intercourse or sex. We think about genitals, hard penises, breasts, ejaculations, and orgasms. All these words are associated or synonymous with sexuality.  

 

Therefore when we do not experience that genital intercourse, hard penis or deep orgasm we might feel like our sexuality within a relationship is failing. We might feel that our sexual relationships are in danger. We start to feel insecure individually and shaky about our relationship.

 

Today, I want to help you to move from this sexual scarcity into sexual abundance. My invitation is to expand into a wider understanding of our sexual capacities. 

 

Instead of looking into sexuality as simply action or behavior,  try to see sexuality as experienced as a form of state. The energy that we can feel internally and towards each other. Not depending on physical coitus. 

 

Some people fall into asexual scope and depending on what they choose some of them might liven without sexual intercourse at all. Some of them still might have an asexual relationship. (asexual spectrum is broad some people choose to have NO physical touch at all, and some choose to have more of it) 

 

Currently the majority of our population identifies as sexual. And for those of us who do, we still can have strong sexual relationships without having intercourse daily, a few times per week, or even weekly. 

 

The purpose of this conversation, by no means, is not to tell you that having sex is wrong, or you do not need to have sex. However, it is to expand the way we relate to sexuality and sex. To come out of sexual scarcity and fear, that if we will not have sex our relationship is doomed. And rather to see how abundant and expansive sexual conversation can be. 

 

Sexual relationship is different from sex itself. 

 

An example of this is a long-distance relationship:  Many people experience passion for each other, but they don't necessarily have a lot of sex as an act. 

 

Another example would be if you ask, have you ever felt sexy? Or hot internally and externally? Felt strong sexual flow inside? But had no intercourse that day, or maybe even that month? That is sexual energy in you. That is not based on sexual activities you did or did not. 

 

We as a society, allow our collective definition of sex to have power over us.

 

Some people have a scarce sexual mindset (see sexual mindset post),  if we do not have sex we start feeling like failures or we start fearing that we will lose our relationship. Ideas of sex that we have learned, tell us that we MUST have lots of it to feel worthy.

 

So when we do not have lots of it, we start looking for a solution. In this case solution for not feeling like a  failure, or knowing that we still “can” and that we are desired and worthy sexually. Some of us look for that solution in casual sex. Because it is quick and easy. 

We hear people say, oh, “I just need to get laid”.  And we think this kind of magical fulfillment will happen and we will feel desired or good about ourselves. Because culturally we learned that lack of sex makes us unworthy. We are so scared not to have sex. And a lot of times after having empty sex. And then we need it again, and again.  And it's just a never-ending story. Because it does not really fulfill us. For some of us, having empty physical coitus is less fulfilling than having a deep sexual relationship without intercourse. 

 

Because sexuality can be distinct from sex and we can give pleasure and experience pleasure without physical intercourse.

An example of that is when we are expanding in our sexual energy without even touching the other person. Like when we flirt, or when we watch our partners doing something we find attractive, or when we smell our favorite flower or hear a song that takes us closer to our deeper self. All of these are examples of when our sexual vibrations become stronger. And it is all possible in relationships. With clothes on. We still can have a sexual relationship. Because there is sexual energy between us. So therefore it is not necessary to have sex as an act to keep that sexual relationship. It is more about being in sexual flow, in a sexual bind. 

 

And sexual flow comes from the urge, from playfulness, from polarity, from service, from desire, from intimacy, from a bit of secrecy, from the passion for life, from intention... For some of us, flow can be much more important than the act itself. Not because an act is not important by no means, but because the more overflowing is the flow is the deeper the act can be.

 

Sexual relationship when single

 

Yes, you still can have a sexual relationship even if you are single or choose not to have a relationship with your partner. Many of us have been taught that some experiences are only possible when in relationships. But I am telling you, you do not need to have another person in order to experience a sexual relationship. It all is possible with you only. 

If you choose to, you can raise your sexual vibrations by enjoying your own body, by touching your hair, your neck. Slowly look at your hands and fingers like you never saw them before, because today you probably did not. Kissing or licking your skin, by being intimate with your breath, feeling how my body expands when I breathe, how it tickles my throat. 

 

Feeling intimate with nature, by feeling the grass under our feet, feeling the wind on our face. 

Intimate with food, sipping coffee, and tasking each bit of it slowly. When chewing, really allow self to taste with all the receptors. 

 

That's, what being in the sexual flow is. It has not much to do with another person, has nothing to do with the sex act, and has all to do with your own sexual flow with your ability to rise and experience your sexual vibrations.